Courage & Comfort
Updated: May 13, 2020
"Man plans, God laughs. We have to give God something to laugh about." - Jena's Rabbi
I am not sure if God is laughing at how my plans worked out. I think she is saying, "I know this is not what you had in mind when you planned to spend a lot of time at home in 2020, but none the less you are getting a lot of time at home. It should count!" and then she is probably giggling if not laughing out loud.
That was my plan when I accepted my new job in September last year. Because this job allowed me to work from home, I was so looking forward to spending A LOT of time at home. Well, that's what I got for 2020, along with millions of others. I wish the circumstances of me spending so much time at home were different.
I am still planning that at some point, I am going to go back to Fargo unless my husband gets a job in Florida before I can go back. Then I will go to Fargo to help pack our house. Other than that, my only plan is to figure out what kind of story I want to live for the rest of my life.
For the last five years, I am not sure if I was living "my life" or a life I thought others wanted me to live. Somewhere along the line, I lost my compass and got derailed big time. When I declared "no more," everything started to change and shift. Now, I have an opportunity to start a brand-new book, forget about a new chapter.
I am having trouble finding the right words to describe how I want to live the rest of my life, so I am going to let Mary Oliver say it for me:
"I want to think again of dangerous and noble things. I want to be light and frolicsome. I want to be improbable, beautiful and afraid of nothing, as though I had wings."